Anyways, so it turns out the 3rd child would take a lot of work to get, but I'm patient, and stubborn. I had two miscarriages, the first one (a blighted ovum) landed me in the ER on a Friday night in February 2010 when Matt was on a school bus to a basketball game against the #1 team in the state at the time (they won, too, so I felt bad being Debbie Downer that night). Depressing. The second one, in June 2010, I suspect may have been due to contracting Fifth's disease. My kids had it at the time, and it turns out it's pretty dangerous for pregnant women to be around. Heartbreaking. So by the time I hit my third go-round of "morning" sickness in 1 year, I was pretty sure this was going to be my final pregnancy no matter the outcome. I had also had two miscarriages prior to having Alaina, so this was actually my 7th pregnancy - I was officially done.
Since it had been 4 years since Ryan was born, at first I kinda thought I might like another boy, mostly because I thought they'd be closer in age than two girls would be. However, the day I had the sonogram to find out, Ryan came with us while Alaina was in school. Ryan could not have been more unenthused about the sonogram. He kept asking if the monitor played movies. Even when they told us it was a girl - which apparently Matt could tell within the first 10 seconds - he pretty much just shrugged. Alaina, on the other hand, literally jumped up and down for joy when we gave her the news that it was a girl when she got home from school that day. So I think that worked out for the best. And of course, in hindsight, Ryan is awesome with his little sister, so it's all good!
My due date was July 7, 2011. My first two kids were both inductions, and I was bound and determined that I was going to have a spontaneous labor this time. I had read this funny article in a magazine at the OB's office about a lady who, after reading a similar article, decided to eat a giant burrito, joking about how she'd have the baby later that day. Supposedly her water broke just minutes after biting into the burrito. So, a day or so later, on June 26, I told Matt we were having tacos for dinner because I wanted to test this theory. My due date was still 10 days away, and I wasn't honestly expecting anything to happen, so we joked about it as I dumped extra hot sauce on my tacos (thank goodness I never had heartburn during pregnancy!). At approximately 1:30 a.m. I was jolted awake by a very distinct THUD in my belly, and then some serious leaking. I reached over and shook Matt and said "Honey, either I just really peed my pants or my water just broke." To which he muttered "uh-huh" and went right back to sleep. I nudged him again, he started to get crappy with me for waking him up, and when I repeated myself, he said something along the lines of "Are you f-ing shitting me?" Nice. Whatever, just help me out here. At this point, I should have declared spontaneous labors completely overrated, because having your water break in your bed is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.
Our middle-of-the-night emergency babysitter, Cheryl, was on vacation, so we called Matt's parents in Springfield. They assured us they would be there ASAP, so we started packing bags and sending emails, and washing sheets (ewww) while we waited. The radar also showed an enormous thunderstorm between here and Springfield, so we knew it might take a little longer. Alaina was born in less than 8 hrs start to finish, and Ryan was born in just 4-1/2 hrs, so Matt made me time my contractions. I kept assuring him that my contractions weren't even regular yet, to which he reminds me that they are 3 min apart. To which I respond something like "Yeah, but some are only 2-1/2 min, so they're not regular yet." Matt's parents made it there by 3 a.m. and we were off. Severe thunderstorm. We drove 40 mph all the way to Peoria, but at least we were the only car on the road at that hour! I have an awesome video of the drive to the hospital, but it's too large to upload here. If there's a way, I'm too dumb to figure it out.
So if the mucus-filled bedsheets and treacherous drive on Route 9 at 3 a.m. weren't enough to declare spontaneous labors overrated, the actual delivery pretty much sealed it for me. I'm sure somewhere on my chart it was written "History of short labors." So the nurses made sure to poke and prod me more often than normal, you know, since my midwife was probably just entering REM sleep somewhere in Peoria and they would have to page her when I was getting close. So somewhere around 6 a.m. they checked me for the bazillionth time, and I was suddenly 7 cm. They told me they were going to go ahead and page my midwife, to which I informed them that if I was 7 cm, she wasn't going to make it in time. I think it was only about 15-20 minutes later when I informed them that I was having a lot of pressure (hint hint) and they paged her again. I was told she was "on the way," and that I should just "blow through the contractions until she gets there." Yeah, I fell for that one with my first delivery. Never again. I really only need someone there to catch the baby, and at this point I think Matt has enough experience for that. Well, actually, my midwife was there for a good portion of my labor with Ryan, and she was VERY helpful in helping me concentrate (did I mention I've never had an epidural?), but since she clearly wasn't going to be there this time for any substantial coaching, screw it. I told my nurse (the same one that tried to tell me to hold it until Sue got there) that I wasn't waiting, and she said something along the lines of "Well, sometimes you just can't wait..." Now, the rest of it gets a little fuzzy, as the pain gets so intense that I really can't hear or see much of what is going on around me. I do remember my "doctor," a resident (probably studying to be a podiatrist or something, but stuck here in OB on his rotation), and his sidekick, an INTERN. Both guys. Nothing against male OBs, but I specifically sought out an all-female OB office for a reason. I guess I just feel that if you're going to tell me how to push a human out of my nether regions, I expect you to have at least dealt with a menstrual cramp at some point in your life. Is that too much to ask? But I digress. So Dr. Resident and Mr. Intern are standing, arms folded, with a couple other people in a semi-circle around the end of my bed, staring at my hoo-haa and just watching me push ALL BY MYSELF. I'm pretty sure this was some cover-your-ass move where they're not supposed to "help" anyone deliver a baby if my midwife/doctor is on the way. Matt's trying to encourage me and whatnot, but I finally just start crying and yell "Why isn't anybody HELPING me?!?" And with that, they finally spring into action. But I should have just kept my mouth shut, because up to this point I had been lying partially on my side, and all night I had been extremely uncomfortable on my back. So what's the first thing Dr. Resident and Mr. Intern want me to do?? That's right - roll on my back. I argue with them, but really at that point, I don't have the energy to argue anymore. Only after Audra is born a couple minutes later is it apparent why the back labor was so painful - she was posterior, or "sunny side up." See image below. I do medical transcription for a living, so I find this stuff fascinating:
Poor thing had a big purple dent in her forehead and cried for about the first half hour after she was born. Matt heard someone say afterwards that if she had been turned correctly, she would have been born much earlier. And much earlier might have been on Route 9 in the rainstorm, so maybe the back labor wasn't soooo bad. And it still resulted in less stitches than I required with Alaina and her giant, perfectly round head.
My midwife of course walks in like 2 minutes after she's born, and declares how she's only missed a handful of births in her decades of delivering babies. Ooops. But it's still a good thing she's there, because my overrated spontaneous labor isn't over yet. I had what's called a retained placenta, and we spent, I believe, a solid hour trying to coax it out (gross, I know). I ended up having an emergency D&C to remove it, but not before they had to call in the "more experienced doctor" to try to manually remove it. And that is exactly how it sounds - and horrifyingly painful even with the morphine they gave me. And that's coming from somebody who just delivered a face-up baby with zero drugs. I just remember the doctor (at least this one was female) asking me as they wheeled me out to the OR if I had completed my family, because if the D&C didn't work they would have to do a hysterectomy. Yikes. Thankfully, the answer was yes, but still. So Audra was born at 6:49 a.m., and I don't think I even got back to my room until 10-something. And because I was preoccupied the entire time, I didn't even get to make my own phone calls and surprise my mom and dad with our early arrival :( Oh well. It was my least favorite delivery of the 3, even though I thought I had it all figured out - that's Mother Nature for you! Love my little girl, though - 7 lbs 8 oz, 19.5 inches.
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| Ryan was sooo worried he wouldn't hold her correctly. He even started to cry when she got a little fussy (or "fuzzy" as he put it) because he thought he was doing something wrong. He's sweet. |
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| Alaina hasn't stopped smiling since the day she was born :) |
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| Dad - Our professional baby swaddler. |
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